Pumpkin Bars

I realize it's summer, but I also realize there may be other women like me who love autumn and all things smelling like pumpkin spice. Pumpkin bars are like chocolate chip cookies to me. They have to be absolutely perfect or they're no good at all. And I've finally found the perfect recipe!!




Pumpkin Bars
Ingredients
2 c. flour
1 1/2 c. sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
4 eggs, lightly beaten
15 oz. can pumpkin
1 c. vegetable oil

Instructions
Preheat oven to 350. In large bowl, stir together flour, sugar, powder, soda, salt, cinnamon and cloves. Stir in eggs, pumpkin and oil until combined. Pour batter into un-greased 15"x10"x1" baking pan, spreading evenly. Bake 20-25 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Cool in pan on wire rack 2 hours.


Cream Cheese Icing
Ingredients
8 oz. cream cheese, softened
1/2 c. butter, softened
2 tsp. vanilla
4-6 c. powdered sugar

Instructions
Cream butter and cream cheese in mixing bowl. Add vanilla and gradually add powdered sugar.

How to Help

After opening up to friends and other women about post partum depression, I heard the same question over and over. "How do I help someone who is struggling with this?" So I thought I'd share what has, and what would have been helpful, for me. (understanding that everyone is different and it can affect each woman differently, what may help one may not be helpful for everyone)

1. Reach out and ask. A lot of times, friends and family members don't even know that a woman who has given birth can have, or is dealing with, this struggle. Most of us are too embarrassed to admit how we are feeling and thinking. I know I kept my struggle a secret for months from even my closest friends. So ask. Make it a point to ask your friends how they are doing mentally and emotionally a few weeks after they give birth. I run an infant photography business, and ever since my experience with PPD after my second child, I've made it a point to ask this question of the moms of newborns. You would be amazed at how open someone who is struggling will be. I think most of the time, if people ask, people share. We just don't want to blurt out that we're having such issues. And lots of times, just talking about our emotions can stop the normal baby blues into becoming full force PPD.

2. Stop talking about it, and just be there. Yes, this kind of contradicts my first point. But once you know your friend is struggling, realize that she may not want/need to constantly talk about it. After I finally opened up to friends about my issues, I didn't always want to talk about it. I craved a playdate with a mommy friend who, although knowing my problems, would come over and treat me like a normal person.

3. Help. For me, the most helpful things were for a friend to not do things for me, but help me with things. Share your energy. It made me feel more guilty to hear an offer of "let me take your kids for the day", but hearing "I'll bring supper and we can both watch all our kids together" was life saving. I didn't want someone to come clean FOR me, but I more than welcomed someone handing me a broom and saying "you sweep, I'll do dishes". Knowing that someone is willing to help, not just take over, is more encouraging because it gives us hope that one day we'll be able to do these things on our own again.

4. Stop quoting/sending scripture. Scripture is super discouraging coming from others. (sounds awful, I know) For me, I was in the Word daily and that was encouraging, but anytime someone else would send me scripture or ask "Have you been reading your Bible?", it was incredibly discouraging. It came across that I was being preached at, that the person thought I had given up on God, or that they  thought I wasn't doing whatever the scripture was about and made me feel awful. I already knew how bad I was and felt horrible that I couldn't be a better wife, mother, and friend. Constantly receiving scripture was like having someone rub my nose in it. (I realize this gives a sad insight into the world of depression. - Our head knows the right answer but as much as we want to trust and believe and be joyful, our heart just can't.)    

5. Don't expect your actions to fix her problem. Nothing any person can do will fix a friend's PPD. Acting like it will is not helpful at all.

6. Listen. Because no person is the same, what will be helpful for one friend may not be the most helpful for another dealing with these struggles. Be willing to ask "What can I do? Do you want to talk about it or do you just want me to shut up?"

7. Pray, pray, pray. Sometimes, hormones need to be straightened out. Other times, certain vitamin levels need to be corrected or even just time can conquer this battle. Knowing that this is a legitimate struggle and not "just in her head", pray for God to heal her body and soul. Let your friend know you are praying for her. It is such an encouraging truth to hear!

Answers

It has been a very long, very hard, 18 months. 18 months since I delivered my last baby and felt the weight of post partum depression descend and take root in the very core of who I am. Never before have I felt so unlike myself, even been scared of myself, truly realizing what my mind is capable of. There was a point last year when I read a story on the news about a mom who had driven her van, with her children inside, into the ocean. I saw all the nasty, judgmental comments on social media, the sharing of articles along with posts of "How could she do this?" and I wept. I wept because I was so close to being that woman. In the darkest days, I had driven around aimlessly with all the children in my van, just to get out of my house, and longed for a way to end it all. I wept because I understood. I wept because I knew the hurt, confusion, frustration, loneliness, and sheer desperation it takes to get to a place where something so tragic is a possibility. A very real possibility. And it is only by the grace of God I am here today, and I praise Him for that!

In answer to friends who have been asking about how things turned around, how I'm doing, etc., I finally have answers! After twelve months of my general practitioner and OB/GYN sending me back and forth to each other (both trying to get me on anti-depressants), trying and not being able to handle multiple anti-depressants, and a multitude of homeopathic alternatives attempted, I insisted on having blood drawn and every test possible being run. Along with the PPD, I was having countless physical symptoms that proved to me I wasn't crazy, that it wasn't all in my head. Well, I was so relieved when the tests came back with some answers: I had low iron, hyperthyroidism, and also a vitamin D deficiency. The last two are both known to contribute to/cause depression. So I started supplements and a round of prescription vitamin D and within four weeks, the depression was gone! I was, however, still struggling with all of my physical symptoms (hair loss, ache-y and fatigued, irregular cycles, pains being some of them) and so I kept returning to my doctors. Finally, 18 months after a baby, they were willing to believe there may be something else going on besides hormones trying to return to normal after everything they've been through the last five years. After an ultrasound, I was clinically diagnosed with endometriosis. (To be officially diagnosed, surgery is required which most doctors won't do unless necessary.) Turns out the symptoms of endometriosis lessen when pregnant or breast feeding which would explain why I hadn't been having these physical symptoms for the last 5 years! Unfortunately, there isn't a cure, but at least I have answers now and for that I am very grateful! My doctor now has me on monthly hormones which will hopefully control the symptoms. We still have to decide on how to treat this long term, but I feel so hopeful to know what is going on with my body!

I hope and pray that God will use my trial to encourage and help other women who are struggling. This was such a life changing experience and I can only pray that God will use it for good. I still struggle. Every day. Patience is not a strength of mine and with four little ones, it's kind of a necessity. But I know I'm not crazy now. I know I'm not alone. I know I serve a God who answers prayers and sees us through trials.

If you are struggling with post partum depression, please reach out to someone - anyone! This is too serious and scary of an issue to continue to be ignored and shamed. It's a very real problem! Please feel free to reach out to me if you need. You are not alone!

Truth for Today: Running Away

Discouraging Thought: I want to run away.

Encouraging Truth: "The Lord is the everlasting God. . . . his understanding is unsearchable." - Isaiah 40:28

Loving Instruction: "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12

Our Reward: "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12

It's been one of those days. You know the kind. The really, really bad ones. The days where you stare blankly at your children eating lunch and wonder what would happen, if anything, if you were to just run. Hop in the car and run. And while you fantasize about driving your empty mini van off into the sunset and never returning, you know you will miss their sticky hugs and wet kisses. But then again, you are so racked with guilt over losing your temper and yelling at them for something as simple as asking a question, maybe you deserve to live a life alone, missing those crazy little people. But you don't run. Instead, you wipe off hands and mouths, you beg your children to go play as you shake out of anger, rage, guilt, and shame while sweeping the crumbs off the floor. As soon as nap time arrives, you collapse onto the floor and check social media, hoping for a notification, a message, an e-mail - anything that shows you still matter to someone, anyone. Nope, no one knows. No one knows how bad your heart hurts, how much you long to be a good wife and mommy, how utterly overwhelming life today has been.

Enter this blog post. My journal. My way of studying scripture. Because surely there is hope and love somewhere. And there is. There is unsearchable understanding in the arms of our Jesus. There is love like we can't explain, forgiveness that we can't comprehend, hope that we are able to grasp.

"Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." 

- Isaiah 40:27-31

Babies Don't Keep

Dear New Mom,

Today you asked me how I got my babies to fall asleep on their own. They are so good at it that surely I must have sleep trained from the day they were born. You want to know my secret? I held them as much as I wanted. I threw out all books that told me to let my newborn cry themselves to sleep. God gave us these precious gifts, these tiny, dependent lives to care for, to hold, and to cherish. Why has our generation been told it's a bad thing to hold our babies too much? After nine months of being held warm and tight, with your heartbeat as his lullaby, why do you expect him to fall asleep easily without it?

I know I'm not much older than you, but I've had my babies and they all fall asleep on their own now. None of them want snuggles before bed, and I miss it. I ache for that sleepy baby cradled in my arms, wanting and needing nothing but my touch to fall asleep. So New Mom, cherish it. Enjoy those cuddles and snuggles. Take a deep breath of that sweet baby smell and kiss that soft little cheek. I promise you, you won't regret it.

"The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

- Ruth Hamilton

To My Mother-In-Law on Mother's Day

Dear Mother-In-Law,

He's yours. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true. I guess in my young, naive, newlywed mind I thought I loved him more than anyone on the planet. After all, I'm choosing to spend the rest of my life with him, right? I also thought it was kind of silly for you to be so sentimental on our wedding day. Young adults leave home, that's what they do. Natural cycle of life and all. But then something happened. I had a son. And my perspective forever changed. In an instant, I realized that my husband is first, and foremost, your baby boy. Just as I felt my heart almost burst with love the first time I snuggled in my son's warm, sweet body to mine, so yours almost burst decades ago when the wonderful man I know as my husband was born. I now know that you love my husband with a love so strong it hurts. I feel the same ache in my chest when I gaze at this little boy sleeping in my arms. So even though he never stopped being your boy, I can now acknowledge that. I acknowledge that he's not some crazy woman's husband. He's yours. And I thank you. Thank you for letting me take care of your boy, for not saying anything when you see me do things you know he'd want done a different way. Thank you for letting me be such a special part of your boy's, and in turn, your life. Thank you for raising your baby boy into the man he is today. I love you for it.

Love,
Your Daughter-In-Law

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: This phase of life will never end.

Encouraging Truth: "For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him." - Ecclesiastes 8:6  

Loving Instruction: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God" - I Peter 5:6a

Our Reward: "so that at the proper time he may exalt you. Casting all your cares on him, for he cares for you." - I Peter 5:6b - 7

These days are long ones, these days of caring for lots of little people. Daily, I crawl out of bed to the sound of two toddler girls fighting, my 24 month old banging his head on his bed (WHY does he do this?!?), and my baby yelling and/or cooing, drenched in his own urine and slobber, all of them wanting to be changed and fed. I shuffle out of bed, trying to make sure I'm modest enough to meet my toddlers for the day so as to avoid those awkward questions about my now extremely saggy body. Survival is the name of the game as I change diapers and clothes, empty the potty chair, fill sippy cups and bottle, and pull out pop-tarts, crackers, or donuts for breakfast. Survival is the name of the game as I break up fights, find lost toys, kiss boo-boos, discipline and then comfort repeatedly. Surviving is having to decide whether to fold laundry or read a book to whiny children. It is microwaving hot dogs or making mac and cheese from that magical blue box for lunch. It's knowing that we're almost to nap time as I yell "stop throwing your food on the floor and eat it" for the tenth time in nine seconds while trying to feed baby a bottle with one arm. It's making it to nap time and melting into a pool of tears because I feel like the world is caving in around me, that I'm the only mother ever to struggle, the only one to almost give up caring about anyone or anything.

Somehow, every day, we make it to nap time, the cycle repeats itself, and we survive until bedtime. Every. Day. Some days are better, some days are worse. Since I am obviously still in the "loving instruction" part of this truth today, I realize I need to humble myself. So today I am admitting I can't do it all by myself. I am admitting that I am overwhelmed emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I am admitting that my post partum depression, which has come and gone in little waves ever since baby's birth, has come back with a vengeance. (Humbling myself tomorrow by calling my OB to discuss hormone issues that are affecting the depression among other things.) I am admitting that I am nothing without my Jesus and it is only by His grace that I make it through each day.

Lessons Learned in 2013

(This post should be more accurately titled as "2013's realizations and things I need to work on in 2014", but I think "lessons learned" sounds a lot better.)

1. Apologize and ask forgiveness from your children. A lot. Every time you yell or react wrongly to a situation. Not only are you getting right with your little people, whom you wronged, but you are giving them an example of how to treat their siblings and friends later on in life. Taking this a step further, during night time prayers with your children, confess your sins to Jesus. This one is definitely humbling, but I think very necessary to show your children how to confess their sins. (This also opens the door - in my case, every night - to share the gospel with your children.)

2. Drop what you're doing for your children. As much as possible. Understanding that while carrying a pot of boiling pasta to the sink or pulling a casserole out of the oven is not an ok time to do this, do it whenever possible. Stop mid-cleaning, folding, cooking, etc. to deal with the little things. Any time you tell your child "just a minute" you are telling them they are not as important as what you're doing. If your children know you will drop what you're doing when they need you, they won't blink when you really do need them to wait patiently. I learned this lesson while cooking supper. My sweet 4 year old had asked me all day to play with her, I kept putting her off, and she finally gave up on asking. She had received the message that she didn't matter. Such a heart breaking lesson for me to learn.

3. Don't brush off boo-boos and hurt feelings, even if you realize the situation isn't that big. I've found that overreacting my sympathies to their overreaction of pain leaves us all in a pile of giggles on the floor. And if they are really hurt, they know that you're going to be there for them. Show your children they can come to you with anything now while they're toddlers and they'll come to your with their big, high school sized boo-boos later.

4. Loved children are happier, more well behaved children. I've found the more selfish I am being (see numbers 2 and 3 - and yes, I now realize they are very similar), the more I prioritize my to do list instead of my children, the more whiny and disobedient my children are.

5. Slow down. Listen to your kids. Involve your kids. Play and snuggle with them a lot more than you think you have time for. In 10 years, they won't want to help make cookies, build towers, or sit in your lap to read books. Enjoy these days, even if you have to enjoy them while still wearing pajamas at 3pm, in a living room covered with toys, blankets, cheerios, and laundry waiting to be folded. Enjoy these days before they're gone.

My Experiences with Postpartum Depression

Yes, I said it. The ugly "d" word that Christians don't often talk about, the "d" word which some would call a sin, lack of self control, or just plain selfishness. While I agree that some are just struggling with sin and labeling it as depression, I do believe that there are completely sinless forms of depression, those caused by faulty wiring in the brain or a hormonal imbalance for example. And then there's postpartum depression. When did it become such a dirty thing, a term whispered through tears to only your closest of friends? As if creating a human life inside your own and pushing it out into this world isn't hard enough, you then have to sustain and care for that fragile, dependent life. And your hormones don't know what to do. They are torn between ending pregnancy, trying to get back to normal, and creating food for this little new life. According to the CDC, postpartum depression affects at least 11% of women (the study separated states, and one state was as high as 20%). So why isn't this being talked about?

When my first child was born, the instant she came into this world, a love so strong that I felt it physically, came to me instantly. In that moment, my life changed. I knew I would die for this tiny little human, that I would move mountains to care for this little girl. Every time I looked at her those first few weeks, tears would come to my eyes. I had never known such love existed. While expecting my second child, I understood that the birth could be different. I didn't expect the postpartum experience to be different. As my second little girl came into this world, I didn't feel a thing. Oh I cried and held her, kissed her and told her she was beautiful. But I was going through the motions and it all felt so fake. All I wanted to do was crawl in a hole, so embarrassed to admit to anyone that I didn't feel any bond to my own flesh and blood. Exhaustion, tears, and hopelessness were my best friends. And the worst thing of it all: I felt alone and so, so guilty. Everyone kept saying that once you have your second child, the love just multiplies and you'll love your kids the same. So how was I to tell those people that my love wasn't multiplying? Oh, how I wish I'd had a friend come along side me during that time and tell me all of this was normal. That the bond, the love, would come in time. That it was normal to feel so sad, so guilty, and so helpless. So overwhelmed at caring for two little needy people. I praise the Lord that He saw me through those few months. I clung to my Jesus during that dark time, clung to the hope that He would carry me through. And He did.

Fast forward to today. I finally feel I am reaching the shallow water in the ocean that is postpartum depression. The past 7 weeks have felt like treading water with no shoreline in sight. But this time was very different than the last. As with my first, I once again felt that physical surge of love, joy, and raw emotion the instant I saw my baby's tiny face. A love so fierce that I literally felt  it squeezing my heart and soul. But along with that unbreakable bond came overwhelming anxiety. A day after his birth, while in the hospital, I broke down sobbing, telling my husband I was terrified to go home. "How can I take care of four children this young? How can I be a good mother to my three toddlers while still being a good mother to my newborn?" . . . and I slowly saw the shoreline disappear. Besides the love I felt for my new baby, I had no emotions. No compassion, no patience, no happiness. Nothing could make me laugh, nothing could make me care. I wanted nothing more than to hold my baby and ignore every thing and every one. At one point, when my oldest asked me for more juice, I told her to leave me alone. (This was right before my husband told me to call my doctor.) Everything my toddlers did, bad or even good, made me angry. I just felt so overwhelmed. So very overwhelmed at caring for all these dependent, needy people. But again, the worst part of it all is feeling guilty for feeling and being this way, feeling alone, helpless and hopeless in this adventure that is motherhood. Only after talking to my doctor, being on Zoloft for 3 days before switching to a homeopathic alternative, and reaching out to friends and family who have been praying with me and for me, have I started to feel better. I still am not back to normal. Every day, I am overwhelmed by the needs of my four children. I have to work at loving my husband and my toddlers, and I have to work at giving soft answers that turn away wrath. I have to work at showing Jesus to my children while I am so desperately clinging to His feet. But there is hope. My Jesus knows my needs and provides. My mom has been here to help, my mother-in-law just arrived today, and friends have stepped up to the plate without being asked. God has placed people in my life for whom I am so grateful. He knows our needs and provides them!

So let's talk about it. Let's not shame other women into feeling like motherhood is a piece of cake by not talking about how hard it is. It's hard. And it's normal to be overwhelmed, and even to feel helpless and alone. But talk to someone, friends or family, and get help! Most importantly, cling to truth.

Philippians 4:8 states "whatever is true, . . . whatever is lovely, . . . think on these things." And Hebrews 13:5 quotes Jesus as saying "I will never leave you nor forsake you." He will never leave us. Even when I haven't showered for a week and I'm covered in puke, poop, and snot, and I'm sitting on the floor crying to Him that I can't make it through the day. He will never leave me. Praise His holy name!

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: God will only give me what I can handle.

Encouraging Truth: "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." . . .

Loving Instruction: . . . Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, . . .

Our Reward: . . . so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - II Corinthians 12:9

I don't know how many times this week the phrase "Lord, I can't handle this!" has been uttered silently, whispered, and even shouted through my lips. Everyone, including my nine month pregnant self, has been sick for a couple weeks now. We finally took the kids to the pediatrician as well as saw our doctors and all of us were put on antibiotics. However, a few days into the antibiotics, we all came down with some kind of other sickness causing fever, lack of appetite, and restless sleep. While trying to care for my three under three, third trimester nausea, exhaustion, headaches, and just about every ache and pain you can imagine have returned to torture me. Needless to say, I'm a walking emotional wreck - at the end of myself in every way emotionally, physically, mentally, and even spiritually. Yet every time I ended in a pile of tears on the kitchen floor sobbing to Jesus that I can not handle what was on my plate, I'd hear voices of pastors, friends, and family saying "God never gives us what we can't handle" and I'd feel guilty for telling God that I couldn't handle what He has given me. Now either I'm the world's most incompetent, emotional mother (that may not be so far-fetched) or something is wrong with the statement most of us had heard all our lives. After searching scripture, I have come to a conclusion: no where in the Bible does it say that God will not give us what we can't handle. (I Corinthians 10:13 comes the closest, but that is referring to temptations of sin, not struggles.) What I do find repeatedly is that God is our strength, and that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It is His strength, not ours. Even one of the most popular verses to go to, Philippians 4:13, states that "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.". It's not our strength. It's His. I can't handle my circumstances. Period. And when I look at the last couple of weeks through that viewpoint, I can give God praise. I don't look back and see a disheveled whale of a woman sobbing on the couch with three toddlers piled around her. I see God's strength getting me through each day.

**As I am by no means an authority on scripture, I found this blog post to be particularly helpful: God Won't Give You More than You Can Handle**

DIY Ruffle Skirt

I am not an expert at sewing, I just know the basics. So I know that if I can do this, you can too! Last summer, I was astounded with the price of cute little girl skirts. Ridiculous! I figured it can't be that hard to make an elastic ruffle skirt, so I went ahead and tried. I was so happy with the result and received so many compliments that I wanted to do it again this summer. I'm hoping to do at least one more set (I have two toddler girls) before baby boy arrives, but who knows. I'm going to start by assuming you know the basics of sewing, such as how to cut fabric, pin a seam, finish a stitch by reversing, etc. Also a few notes on my example:
1. I do not have a normal sewing machine. I have a mini machine that weighs about a pound, does only a simple basic stitch, and doesn't even reverse.
2. Do not ask your husband what color thread you should use for a certain fabric print. I had pink and white, my husband said white, so that's what I went with. As you will clearly see, I should have gone pink, as white emphasizes mistakes and makes it very obvious that I am working with an inexpensive machine. (Use a color that matches your fabric.)
3. I made two skirts for my girls as well as two skirts for their dolls. The pictures are of the doll skirt because I thought seeing the entire project would help explain the instructions.
4. You can change the measurements to fit your needs. I have tall girls, and the picture above is my three year old's skirt. You can make it as short or as long as you want. And all it takes to add more "ruffle-age" is to add length to the rectangles.
5. I apologize in advance for my super long instructions. I hate vague DIY instructions, so I did my best to explain everything thoroughly.

Materials: 1/2" elastic, fabric (for 2 girl and 2 doll skirts, I only needed 1.5 yards), thread - I'm going to assume you have pins, a needle, fabric pen, measuring tape, sewing gauge

** I did 1/2" seams and used pinking shears on every seam. If you have a normal sewing machine, I recommend using the zig-zag stitch or a different stitch stronger than your basic stitch.

Ok, here we go:
1. Cut a bunch of rectangles. Here are the measurements I used: (click to enlarge any of these images)

2. With the right sides of the fabric together, sew the main skirt pieces together on the sides, forming a tube. Here, I've already sewn them together and used the pinking shears on the seams. 

3. Iron open seams. (From now on, I'll assume you do this with all your seams.) This ensures that your fabric will lay correctly.

4. Create tube for elastic at the top of the skirt. Do this by ironing down 1/4" all the way around and then ironing again at 3/4". Pin where the 1/4" is doubled, and this is where you'll stitch. Leave a 2-3" hole for inserting the elastic. This picture is of the ironing and pinning. 

 First picture is of the stitching that is most of the way around the skirt. Second picture is showing the hole which we'll use later. (Saving the elastic for last will make adding the ruffles much easier.) Click to enlarge photos if needed.

5. Taking two of the ruffle pieces right sides together, form a tube just as you did with the main part of the skirt. Repeat this step with the third and fourth ruffle pieces, as there are two layers of ruffles. 

6. Hem both ruffle 'tubes'. There are lots of ways to do hems. Some machines have blind hem stitches - obviously mine doesn't. You can do a decorative stitch using your machine (I would do this if I could). You can do a slip stitch by hand (who has the time for that?) or just do what I did: use your basic stitch, but realize it's going to be visible on the outside of the skirt. I wanted to save on fabric as much as I could, so I ironed the bottom down 1/4", then again 1/4", pinning after the second go around, and then sewing that hem.

First picture is of the ironing and pinning, second is what it should look like when you're done - if you've done your hem the way I did. Again, make sure you have the best color thread possible!

7. Gather the ruffle pieces. The loose stitches from gathering is how you're going to create the ruffles. This may sound daunting, but it's not. To gather fabric, you create two very loose stitches side by side. You can do this on your machine if you have the option of adjusting stitches, but even if I could, I wouldn't. I have always hated gathering by machine. I much prefer to do this by hand using a needle and thread. If you're doing it by hand, make sure you have enough thread for the entire length of the fabric, knot one end, and get started. This is what the loose stitches will look like if you do it by hand. Obviously, a machine's loose stitches will look differently.

8. Mark where you'll be attaching the top ruffle. (If you're changing the measurements of the skirt, you're going to need to recalculate where you mark your fabric and attach the ruffle.) Using a fabric pen, mark the RIGHT side (the outside, what everyone will see once the skirt is finished) of the main skirt 2.5" from the bottom, all the way around the skirt. [For the doll skirt, I marked 1.5" from the bottom.] You'll see by enlarging the photo how I mark the fabric - purple dots using the fabric pen and sewing gauge.

9. Pin the ruffle in place. I start by pinning the side seams of the ruffle to the side seams of the skirt, which ensures that you have the same amount of ruffle in the back as the front. Then go crazy with your pins as you pull the threads from gathering. The reason I like doing the gathering by hand is because I can evenly distribute my ruffles. After you've pinned the ruffles in place:

10. Remove the thread from gathering and then mark where your seam should be. (because the bottom of the skirt will be covering your needle plate) Once again, I used 1/2" seam for everything.

 11. Stitch all the way around the skirt, using the marks as your guide. This will attach your top ruffle. Since you're making ruffles, the fabric will not lay flat and will look very messy - it's supposed to. Sewing ruffles is not for the perfectionist! This is what it will look like after sewing and removing the pins. I added the second picture just to show you that no matter how messy the inside looks, the final product of ruffles is pretty cool!

12. Using the same method as step 9, right sides together, pin the bottom ruffle in place along the bottom of the skirt. (Nice thing about the bottom ruffle is that you don't have to mark where the ruffle goes or where your stitch is going to be.)

 13. After pinning the bottom ruffle in place, remove the thread from gathering, and attach the bottom ruffle, sewing all the way around the skirt. Once I did this, I used pinking shears on both ruffle seams and ironed down the ruffles.

You're almost done! All that's left is to add the elastic to the top of the skirt!

14. Cut your 1/2" elastic to your desired length. For my 3T skirt, I used 18"; for the doll skirt, I used 13". Insert your elastic into the tube at the top of the skirt - my mom always used a giant safety pin, so that's what I've always done. Once you get close to the end of the elastic, use another safety pin to keep the elastic from going all the way inside.

 15. Once all the way through, stitch the ends of elastic together. (I used a fabric pen to mark 1/4" from the end on both ends and that's where I pinned and stitched.) Make sure you make this a very strong stitch as it's going to be getting pulled on quite a bit. Only having a basic stitch, I just went back and forth over it several times.

16. Pull the now stitched elastic into the tube and slip stitch it closed. This is a horrible slip stitch, but as I mentioned, these pictures are of one of the doll skirts, and by the time I was on my second doll skirt, I really didn't care about what the inside of the skirt looked like! I promise I did a much better job with my 3T skirts!

You're done!! Just even out the elastic, turn it right side out, and you're all set! Since these images are of the doll skirt, here is a picture of one of the girls' dolls (a special gift for them when their baby brother is born) wearing her skirt. I found a matching onsie and attached some flower buttons to make it a little cuter. This is a reborn doll, and the amazing artist who did these for us is found here on facebook. The girls have already worn their skirts and tops (with matching hairbows I made) and looked adorable! I just can't wait to give them their dolls!

If you have any questions, please leave a comment, and I'll do my best to explain!

A Mother's Prayer

A few months ago, I received a card from my mom in the mail. A sweet note was written inside along with an old piece of paper. In her note, she explained she had found this small piece of paper in a wallet tucked way back in her dresser drawer. The paper she carried around for years had this poem written on it:

Oh give me patience when tiny hands tug at me with their small demands.
And give me gentle and smiling eyes, keep my lips from sharp replies.
And let not fatigue, confusion or noise obscure my vision of life's fleeting joys.
So when, years later, my house is still, not bitter memories its rooms may fill.
                                             - Author Unknown

Update

For those who have been praying, we have an update! After much praying, house shopping, weighing our options, and seeking counsel, we have decided to buy the house we are in from our landlord. While we would have loved something that fit our growing family better, the Lord kept repeatedly showing us that this is what He has for us. We are very happy that we don't have to move while I am very pregnant and can't lift a normal amount and very happy to be becoming home owners for the first time. Thank you so much to all of you who have been praying for us. It means so much to us! Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we start the process of buying as well!

These Days

I am finding these days to be hard ones emotionally. As the aches and pains of the third trimester set in a little early this final time around, I find myself not wanting the time to pass quickly. I've never enjoyed pregnancy. Oh sure, the excitement of a new life, the rolls and kicks, the decorating, the shopping, and the planning and preparing are all wonderful. And most of all, there is another life to love, another miracle to cherish. I wouldn't trade those things for the world. But pregnancy does not treat my body well. Nine months of non-stop nausea, sleeplessness, and even bed rest are all the norm for me. I usually find myself begging the clock to tick faster, for the time until the little one comes into this world to speed up, but of course, slow down upon his or her arrival. But it's very different this time around. While friends are talking about starting their families and expanding their families by one more, I'm done. And as much as I dislike the physical state of being pregnant, I know I will miss it. I'll miss the excitement of imagining ten tiny toes, the joy I feel when I find that perfect coming home outfit. I'll miss feeling hiccups, the happy dance after I eat ice cream, and seeing my belly move when my baby is in there spinning like a top. So I'll cherish these days of back aches and rib soreness. I'll smile when I wake up in the middle of the night to kicks and punches. These days can go just a little slower. I'll miss them when they're gone.

Please Pray

For those of you who don't know, we got a call last week saying our landlord no longer wants to be in the rental business and is going to sell this house. We either have to buy it from her or move - and she wants to have her hands washed of it all within three months. She is offering us a good deal, but we have never wanted to buy something this small (just a little over 1000 sq. ft.), and especially with a fourth child on the way, we don't want to be stuck in such a tiny home. This is one of the biggest decisions we've ever had to make and are seeking God's will, praying constantly. We are on a serious housing search, looking for something to fit our needs as a family of six while staying within a very conservative price range. To make matters more stressful, real estate laws are changing and mortgage insurance premiums are going to increase on any loans dated April 1 or after. To save thousands, we have been told it would be best to have a house picked out before then. As a very hormonal pregnant woman, this has been extremely difficult to say the least. Tears have been shed daily, thoughts and ideas bouncing all over the place, prayers thrown to Jesus that have no words. Through all of this, I have been reminded that God knows best and His plans are not mine. We have been asking God for months to show us where He would have us, and we received a phone call saying we have to buy a home right here, where we are. We can see God's hand in so many things that would be affected by this situation, and so while we are just a little stressed - and I'm just a little emotional - I praise my God for watching over us.

"Therefore do not be anxious saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." - Matthew 6:31 - 33