As I lean against the kitchen sink sobbing, verbally crying out to God, my brain is telling me to shut up. I know I am being irrational, emotional, irritable, and anxious. Today I've worried about money, our children's schooling, miscarriage, my husband's job, me looking for a job, me screwing up our children for life, and well, this list could go on forever. Seriously. Forever. But nothing is different than last week, when I was completely trusting, completely at peace with what God is allowing, doing, and working in our family. I know my problem is that I've let the world in. When the world's influence comes in, God's goes out. I've let in little comments about a fourth unplanned pregnancy, I've let in people's obvious lack of excitement for us which my mind takes and uses to turn friends and family into arch-enemies. I've let in society's idea of a nice house and comfortable style of living, and I've let in a view of our finances that takes God out of the equation. But it's also been one of those days in which I know I have a problem, but I can't seem to do anything about it. So I've done the only thing I can: Cry to Jesus. Sob. Literally. When we have no words, God hears our hearts. He's promised, and I cling to that promise today.
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." - Romans 8:26
Other promises I'm claiming tonight:
"In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" - Psalm 56:4
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." - Psalm 56:8 ~Now that's love!~
"Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." - I John 4:4
Oh, Amy!! I am so sorry today was such a rough one for you. Please know we are thrilled that you are expecting number four! I did literally have to laugh out loud when you told me just because of the conversation in the hospital, but we couldn't be happier for all of you. I'm so glad that God made the decision to have number four join your family so that you didn't have to. :)I am so sorry that people are saying unnecessary comments to you about this little gift from God. Just because he/she wasn't planned by you doesn't mean that God made a mistake. People need to realize the difference between something that wasn't planned and a mistake. Even though things don't work out on paper (finances, jobs, etc.) God is still bigger and promises to provide. Thank you for posting this. I am so thankful to have a friend that has struggles, but realizes her problems and cries out to Jesus for help. Could not ask for a sweeter friend! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, you're so sweet! I know there are people excited for us, and I am so incredibly thankful for you all! Yesterday was just very tough emotionally, and I'm praising God that today already feels so much better! Not a lot of things were said, but of course, my brain took and ran with with them. I know I just need to be focused on God, not what other people think. :) Thanks again for your kind words!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it so good that God gave us promises! I love the fact that the spirit prays for us when we can't even pray for ourselves. I'm glad that today is a little brighter. I'm praying for you and your newest little one!
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