My Experiences with Postpartum Depression

Yes, I said it. The ugly "d" word that Christians don't often talk about, the "d" word which some would call a sin, lack of self control, or just plain selfishness. While I agree that some are just struggling with sin and labeling it as depression, I do believe that there are completely sinless forms of depression, those caused by faulty wiring in the brain or a hormonal imbalance for example. And then there's postpartum depression. When did it become such a dirty thing, a term whispered through tears to only your closest of friends? As if creating a human life inside your own and pushing it out into this world isn't hard enough, you then have to sustain and care for that fragile, dependent life. And your hormones don't know what to do. They are torn between ending pregnancy, trying to get back to normal, and creating food for this little new life. According to the CDC, postpartum depression affects at least 11% of women (the study separated states, and one state was as high as 20%). So why isn't this being talked about?

When my first child was born, the instant she came into this world, a love so strong that I felt it physically, came to me instantly. In that moment, my life changed. I knew I would die for this tiny little human, that I would move mountains to care for this little girl. Every time I looked at her those first few weeks, tears would come to my eyes. I had never known such love existed. While expecting my second child, I understood that the birth could be different. I didn't expect the postpartum experience to be different. As my second little girl came into this world, I didn't feel a thing. Oh I cried and held her, kissed her and told her she was beautiful. But I was going through the motions and it all felt so fake. All I wanted to do was crawl in a hole, so embarrassed to admit to anyone that I didn't feel any bond to my own flesh and blood. Exhaustion, tears, and hopelessness were my best friends. And the worst thing of it all: I felt alone and so, so guilty. Everyone kept saying that once you have your second child, the love just multiplies and you'll love your kids the same. So how was I to tell those people that my love wasn't multiplying? Oh, how I wish I'd had a friend come along side me during that time and tell me all of this was normal. That the bond, the love, would come in time. That it was normal to feel so sad, so guilty, and so helpless. So overwhelmed at caring for two little needy people. I praise the Lord that He saw me through those few months. I clung to my Jesus during that dark time, clung to the hope that He would carry me through. And He did.

Fast forward to today. I finally feel I am reaching the shallow water in the ocean that is postpartum depression. The past 7 weeks have felt like treading water with no shoreline in sight. But this time was very different than the last. As with my first, I once again felt that physical surge of love, joy, and raw emotion the instant I saw my baby's tiny face. A love so fierce that I literally felt  it squeezing my heart and soul. But along with that unbreakable bond came overwhelming anxiety. A day after his birth, while in the hospital, I broke down sobbing, telling my husband I was terrified to go home. "How can I take care of four children this young? How can I be a good mother to my three toddlers while still being a good mother to my newborn?" . . . and I slowly saw the shoreline disappear. Besides the love I felt for my new baby, I had no emotions. No compassion, no patience, no happiness. Nothing could make me laugh, nothing could make me care. I wanted nothing more than to hold my baby and ignore every thing and every one. At one point, when my oldest asked me for more juice, I told her to leave me alone. (This was right before my husband told me to call my doctor.) Everything my toddlers did, bad or even good, made me angry. I just felt so overwhelmed. So very overwhelmed at caring for all these dependent, needy people. But again, the worst part of it all is feeling guilty for feeling and being this way, feeling alone, helpless and hopeless in this adventure that is motherhood. Only after talking to my doctor, being on Zoloft for 3 days before switching to a homeopathic alternative, and reaching out to friends and family who have been praying with me and for me, have I started to feel better. I still am not back to normal. Every day, I am overwhelmed by the needs of my four children. I have to work at loving my husband and my toddlers, and I have to work at giving soft answers that turn away wrath. I have to work at showing Jesus to my children while I am so desperately clinging to His feet. But there is hope. My Jesus knows my needs and provides. My mom has been here to help, my mother-in-law just arrived today, and friends have stepped up to the plate without being asked. God has placed people in my life for whom I am so grateful. He knows our needs and provides them!

So let's talk about it. Let's not shame other women into feeling like motherhood is a piece of cake by not talking about how hard it is. It's hard. And it's normal to be overwhelmed, and even to feel helpless and alone. But talk to someone, friends or family, and get help! Most importantly, cling to truth.

Philippians 4:8 states "whatever is true, . . . whatever is lovely, . . . think on these things." And Hebrews 13:5 quotes Jesus as saying "I will never leave you nor forsake you." He will never leave us. Even when I haven't showered for a week and I'm covered in puke, poop, and snot, and I'm sitting on the floor crying to Him that I can't make it through the day. He will never leave me. Praise His holy name!

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: God will only give me what I can handle.

Encouraging Truth: "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." . . .

Loving Instruction: . . . Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, . . .

Our Reward: . . . so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - II Corinthians 12:9

I don't know how many times this week the phrase "Lord, I can't handle this!" has been uttered silently, whispered, and even shouted through my lips. Everyone, including my nine month pregnant self, has been sick for a couple weeks now. We finally took the kids to the pediatrician as well as saw our doctors and all of us were put on antibiotics. However, a few days into the antibiotics, we all came down with some kind of other sickness causing fever, lack of appetite, and restless sleep. While trying to care for my three under three, third trimester nausea, exhaustion, headaches, and just about every ache and pain you can imagine have returned to torture me. Needless to say, I'm a walking emotional wreck - at the end of myself in every way emotionally, physically, mentally, and even spiritually. Yet every time I ended in a pile of tears on the kitchen floor sobbing to Jesus that I can not handle what was on my plate, I'd hear voices of pastors, friends, and family saying "God never gives us what we can't handle" and I'd feel guilty for telling God that I couldn't handle what He has given me. Now either I'm the world's most incompetent, emotional mother (that may not be so far-fetched) or something is wrong with the statement most of us had heard all our lives. After searching scripture, I have come to a conclusion: no where in the Bible does it say that God will not give us what we can't handle. (I Corinthians 10:13 comes the closest, but that is referring to temptations of sin, not struggles.) What I do find repeatedly is that God is our strength, and that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It is His strength, not ours. Even one of the most popular verses to go to, Philippians 4:13, states that "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.". It's not our strength. It's His. I can't handle my circumstances. Period. And when I look at the last couple of weeks through that viewpoint, I can give God praise. I don't look back and see a disheveled whale of a woman sobbing on the couch with three toddlers piled around her. I see God's strength getting me through each day.

**As I am by no means an authority on scripture, I found this blog post to be particularly helpful: God Won't Give You More than You Can Handle**

DIY Ruffle Skirt

I am not an expert at sewing, I just know the basics. So I know that if I can do this, you can too! Last summer, I was astounded with the price of cute little girl skirts. Ridiculous! I figured it can't be that hard to make an elastic ruffle skirt, so I went ahead and tried. I was so happy with the result and received so many compliments that I wanted to do it again this summer. I'm hoping to do at least one more set (I have two toddler girls) before baby boy arrives, but who knows. I'm going to start by assuming you know the basics of sewing, such as how to cut fabric, pin a seam, finish a stitch by reversing, etc. Also a few notes on my example:
1. I do not have a normal sewing machine. I have a mini machine that weighs about a pound, does only a simple basic stitch, and doesn't even reverse.
2. Do not ask your husband what color thread you should use for a certain fabric print. I had pink and white, my husband said white, so that's what I went with. As you will clearly see, I should have gone pink, as white emphasizes mistakes and makes it very obvious that I am working with an inexpensive machine. (Use a color that matches your fabric.)
3. I made two skirts for my girls as well as two skirts for their dolls. The pictures are of the doll skirt because I thought seeing the entire project would help explain the instructions.
4. You can change the measurements to fit your needs. I have tall girls, and the picture above is my three year old's skirt. You can make it as short or as long as you want. And all it takes to add more "ruffle-age" is to add length to the rectangles.
5. I apologize in advance for my super long instructions. I hate vague DIY instructions, so I did my best to explain everything thoroughly.

Materials: 1/2" elastic, fabric (for 2 girl and 2 doll skirts, I only needed 1.5 yards), thread - I'm going to assume you have pins, a needle, fabric pen, measuring tape, sewing gauge

** I did 1/2" seams and used pinking shears on every seam. If you have a normal sewing machine, I recommend using the zig-zag stitch or a different stitch stronger than your basic stitch.

Ok, here we go:
1. Cut a bunch of rectangles. Here are the measurements I used: (click to enlarge any of these images)

2. With the right sides of the fabric together, sew the main skirt pieces together on the sides, forming a tube. Here, I've already sewn them together and used the pinking shears on the seams. 

3. Iron open seams. (From now on, I'll assume you do this with all your seams.) This ensures that your fabric will lay correctly.

4. Create tube for elastic at the top of the skirt. Do this by ironing down 1/4" all the way around and then ironing again at 3/4". Pin where the 1/4" is doubled, and this is where you'll stitch. Leave a 2-3" hole for inserting the elastic. This picture is of the ironing and pinning. 

 First picture is of the stitching that is most of the way around the skirt. Second picture is showing the hole which we'll use later. (Saving the elastic for last will make adding the ruffles much easier.) Click to enlarge photos if needed.

5. Taking two of the ruffle pieces right sides together, form a tube just as you did with the main part of the skirt. Repeat this step with the third and fourth ruffle pieces, as there are two layers of ruffles. 

6. Hem both ruffle 'tubes'. There are lots of ways to do hems. Some machines have blind hem stitches - obviously mine doesn't. You can do a decorative stitch using your machine (I would do this if I could). You can do a slip stitch by hand (who has the time for that?) or just do what I did: use your basic stitch, but realize it's going to be visible on the outside of the skirt. I wanted to save on fabric as much as I could, so I ironed the bottom down 1/4", then again 1/4", pinning after the second go around, and then sewing that hem.

First picture is of the ironing and pinning, second is what it should look like when you're done - if you've done your hem the way I did. Again, make sure you have the best color thread possible!

7. Gather the ruffle pieces. The loose stitches from gathering is how you're going to create the ruffles. This may sound daunting, but it's not. To gather fabric, you create two very loose stitches side by side. You can do this on your machine if you have the option of adjusting stitches, but even if I could, I wouldn't. I have always hated gathering by machine. I much prefer to do this by hand using a needle and thread. If you're doing it by hand, make sure you have enough thread for the entire length of the fabric, knot one end, and get started. This is what the loose stitches will look like if you do it by hand. Obviously, a machine's loose stitches will look differently.

8. Mark where you'll be attaching the top ruffle. (If you're changing the measurements of the skirt, you're going to need to recalculate where you mark your fabric and attach the ruffle.) Using a fabric pen, mark the RIGHT side (the outside, what everyone will see once the skirt is finished) of the main skirt 2.5" from the bottom, all the way around the skirt. [For the doll skirt, I marked 1.5" from the bottom.] You'll see by enlarging the photo how I mark the fabric - purple dots using the fabric pen and sewing gauge.

9. Pin the ruffle in place. I start by pinning the side seams of the ruffle to the side seams of the skirt, which ensures that you have the same amount of ruffle in the back as the front. Then go crazy with your pins as you pull the threads from gathering. The reason I like doing the gathering by hand is because I can evenly distribute my ruffles. After you've pinned the ruffles in place:

10. Remove the thread from gathering and then mark where your seam should be. (because the bottom of the skirt will be covering your needle plate) Once again, I used 1/2" seam for everything.

 11. Stitch all the way around the skirt, using the marks as your guide. This will attach your top ruffle. Since you're making ruffles, the fabric will not lay flat and will look very messy - it's supposed to. Sewing ruffles is not for the perfectionist! This is what it will look like after sewing and removing the pins. I added the second picture just to show you that no matter how messy the inside looks, the final product of ruffles is pretty cool!

12. Using the same method as step 9, right sides together, pin the bottom ruffle in place along the bottom of the skirt. (Nice thing about the bottom ruffle is that you don't have to mark where the ruffle goes or where your stitch is going to be.)

 13. After pinning the bottom ruffle in place, remove the thread from gathering, and attach the bottom ruffle, sewing all the way around the skirt. Once I did this, I used pinking shears on both ruffle seams and ironed down the ruffles.

You're almost done! All that's left is to add the elastic to the top of the skirt!

14. Cut your 1/2" elastic to your desired length. For my 3T skirt, I used 18"; for the doll skirt, I used 13". Insert your elastic into the tube at the top of the skirt - my mom always used a giant safety pin, so that's what I've always done. Once you get close to the end of the elastic, use another safety pin to keep the elastic from going all the way inside.

 15. Once all the way through, stitch the ends of elastic together. (I used a fabric pen to mark 1/4" from the end on both ends and that's where I pinned and stitched.) Make sure you make this a very strong stitch as it's going to be getting pulled on quite a bit. Only having a basic stitch, I just went back and forth over it several times.

16. Pull the now stitched elastic into the tube and slip stitch it closed. This is a horrible slip stitch, but as I mentioned, these pictures are of one of the doll skirts, and by the time I was on my second doll skirt, I really didn't care about what the inside of the skirt looked like! I promise I did a much better job with my 3T skirts!

You're done!! Just even out the elastic, turn it right side out, and you're all set! Since these images are of the doll skirt, here is a picture of one of the girls' dolls (a special gift for them when their baby brother is born) wearing her skirt. I found a matching onsie and attached some flower buttons to make it a little cuter. This is a reborn doll, and the amazing artist who did these for us is found here on facebook. The girls have already worn their skirts and tops (with matching hairbows I made) and looked adorable! I just can't wait to give them their dolls!

If you have any questions, please leave a comment, and I'll do my best to explain!

A Mother's Prayer

A few months ago, I received a card from my mom in the mail. A sweet note was written inside along with an old piece of paper. In her note, she explained she had found this small piece of paper in a wallet tucked way back in her dresser drawer. The paper she carried around for years had this poem written on it:

Oh give me patience when tiny hands tug at me with their small demands.
And give me gentle and smiling eyes, keep my lips from sharp replies.
And let not fatigue, confusion or noise obscure my vision of life's fleeting joys.
So when, years later, my house is still, not bitter memories its rooms may fill.
                                             - Author Unknown

Update

For those who have been praying, we have an update! After much praying, house shopping, weighing our options, and seeking counsel, we have decided to buy the house we are in from our landlord. While we would have loved something that fit our growing family better, the Lord kept repeatedly showing us that this is what He has for us. We are very happy that we don't have to move while I am very pregnant and can't lift a normal amount and very happy to be becoming home owners for the first time. Thank you so much to all of you who have been praying for us. It means so much to us! Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we start the process of buying as well!

These Days

I am finding these days to be hard ones emotionally. As the aches and pains of the third trimester set in a little early this final time around, I find myself not wanting the time to pass quickly. I've never enjoyed pregnancy. Oh sure, the excitement of a new life, the rolls and kicks, the decorating, the shopping, and the planning and preparing are all wonderful. And most of all, there is another life to love, another miracle to cherish. I wouldn't trade those things for the world. But pregnancy does not treat my body well. Nine months of non-stop nausea, sleeplessness, and even bed rest are all the norm for me. I usually find myself begging the clock to tick faster, for the time until the little one comes into this world to speed up, but of course, slow down upon his or her arrival. But it's very different this time around. While friends are talking about starting their families and expanding their families by one more, I'm done. And as much as I dislike the physical state of being pregnant, I know I will miss it. I'll miss the excitement of imagining ten tiny toes, the joy I feel when I find that perfect coming home outfit. I'll miss feeling hiccups, the happy dance after I eat ice cream, and seeing my belly move when my baby is in there spinning like a top. So I'll cherish these days of back aches and rib soreness. I'll smile when I wake up in the middle of the night to kicks and punches. These days can go just a little slower. I'll miss them when they're gone.

Please Pray

For those of you who don't know, we got a call last week saying our landlord no longer wants to be in the rental business and is going to sell this house. We either have to buy it from her or move - and she wants to have her hands washed of it all within three months. She is offering us a good deal, but we have never wanted to buy something this small (just a little over 1000 sq. ft.), and especially with a fourth child on the way, we don't want to be stuck in such a tiny home. This is one of the biggest decisions we've ever had to make and are seeking God's will, praying constantly. We are on a serious housing search, looking for something to fit our needs as a family of six while staying within a very conservative price range. To make matters more stressful, real estate laws are changing and mortgage insurance premiums are going to increase on any loans dated April 1 or after. To save thousands, we have been told it would be best to have a house picked out before then. As a very hormonal pregnant woman, this has been extremely difficult to say the least. Tears have been shed daily, thoughts and ideas bouncing all over the place, prayers thrown to Jesus that have no words. Through all of this, I have been reminded that God knows best and His plans are not mine. We have been asking God for months to show us where He would have us, and we received a phone call saying we have to buy a home right here, where we are. We can see God's hand in so many things that would be affected by this situation, and so while we are just a little stressed - and I'm just a little emotional - I praise my God for watching over us.

"Therefore do not be anxious saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." - Matthew 6:31 - 33

No-Bake Cookies

This has been such a tough winter for our family's health. We've seen the flu, another two week long stomach bug, bronchitis, sinus infections, and colds. Lots of movies have been watched, lots of pajama days had, and lots of cookies made. Making cookies comforts me almost as much as eating them does. Here is one of my favorite recipes that I've been making for over a decade, and people have been asking me to make for just as long. It was a recipe found in my mom's never ending recipe box, the card tattered and yellowed from use. No-bake cookies are perfect for those days you're in a cookie making mood, but don't feel like dealing with the scooping and/or rolling of the dough, being stuck next to the oven for a couple hours, and tons of dishes. No mixer or baking sheet required!

Step 1: On medium heat, mix the following in large pan. Cook until it starts to boil. (I always melt the butter before adding the other ingredients.)
1/4 lb. butter
2 c. sugar
1/4 c. cocoa
1/2 c. milk

Step 2: Remove from heat. Cool for 1 minute.

Step 3: Add the following ingredients:
1 tsp. vanilla
1 pinch salt
1/2 c. peanut butter
3 c. quick cooking oats

Step 4: Stir well.

Step 5: Drop by tablespoon onto wax paper.

II Corinthians 12:9

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 

- II Corinthians 12:9

Zulily

I have discovered the amazing world of Zulily. I've heard lots of friends talk about it, and after searching everywhere for church dresses for my two toddler girls, I looked at Zulily, an online company. Over the past couple weeks, I've found Easter dresses as well as other Sunday dresses for half the cost I would find the same dresses (even same brand names) at discount stores such as Ross, TJ Max, and Burlington Coat Factory. You will recognize the brands, so you know the quality. You will see lots of new sales and products  every day. Their products mainly feature clothing for babies, children, and women, but have men's clothing every once in a while as well. They also have decorating products, home storage and organization products, and well, a little bit of everything. I'm terribly addicted, I check every morning when they post their new deals just to see if something I've been looking for is on a super sale! Check it out here: Zulily

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: I did not sign up for this.

Encouraging Truth: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you
          rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
          and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28, 29

Loving Instruction: "Cast your burden on the Lord . . . " - Psalm 55:22a

Our Reward: ". . . and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."
          - Psalm 55:22b

I really hope I'm not the only mama who has ever felt like saying out loud "Well, this wasn't in the parenting books." and "I did not sign up for this." Tonight has  been one of those nights. After assembling a bookshelf, folding laundry, paying bills, and doing some cleaning/organizing, my back was pretty much shot. (I realize I overdid it on the physical activities today, but nesting always comes very early for me.) Then I hear my 12 month old baby crying. Not a normal cry, a coughing, choking cry. Going in to check on him, I could smell the problem before I could see it. Puke. Everywhere. And hubby is at work. So I try to bend sideways into the crib, trying not to seriously squish my other baby, straining to lift my sopping son from his bed. While I run to the tub so as to catch any remaining puke, I go through the game plan in my head: strip baby, wipe down baby, redress baby, change sheets. By myself. While a sick baby cries, not wanting to be put down. I start crying to Jesus. Lord, you know my back is killing me and I can't bend over the tub to completely bathe my son. You know I can't bend over the crib all the way easily. You know I am exhausted. You know I am alone. And then I felt an answer in multiple little ways that are huge blessings when you have a puking baby. I had just folded laundry, still laying on the couch, a clean sleeper and sheets just waiting to be grabbed. The mess had stayed contained to not just the crib, but only the parts of the crib sheet that were on top of the waterproof pad. My baby didn't need a full bath, just his hands and mouth washed off. Only one of the two blankets he normally sleeps with got dirty. So an hour later, when the situation repeated itself, I rejoiced in the fact that I'm not alone, that God hears my insignificant prayers about an aching back and a puky baby. He will sustain me. He will give me rest.

Prayer

There are lots of different prayers spoken by us moms.

There are prayers of desperation, silently thrown at the feet of Jesus as we go about our day. When the demands of little people just seem to be too much for one woman to handle.

There are prayers of fear, yelled aloud in moments of terror. I've experienced this while watching my two day old baby turn blue.

There are thoughtful prayers, two word prayers, and many more. But perhaps my favorite, are forgotten prayers. Those prayers that were uttered from the depths of your heart, sharing your desires with Jesus. The prayers that weeks or months later, you remember, as God is answering each and every detail. I remembered such a prayer last week. Soon after our baby boy was born, the hubby and I were discussing taking permanent measures, debating between three or four children. We had always said we felt an even number would be best, but with three so close together, we didn't know if we could handle any more. We prayed about it, together and separately. And I remember praying in the shower, where I do most of my serious thinking and praying, that God would do what was best for our family. I prayed that if God wanted us to have a fourth, He would allow that to happen before we did take permanent measures. That if He gave us a fourth, it would be born between 15 and 18 months after baby boy's birthday. I told God that I wanted a fourth, but I didn't want one baby too far apart from three that were so close together. I told Him that my heart's desire was to have at least one more, but I just didn't know if that's what was right for our family - or if we could handle it. I told Him that if He did give us a fourth, I would really like baby boy to have a brother. I told God lots of things and trusted Him to do what's best. He's our Daddy and wants to hear what is on our hearts. He wants to give us good things.

And here I am, pregnant with Baby #4, a boy, due exactly 17 months after his big brother's birthday. God is good.

Knit Together

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."

- Jeremiah 1:5a

Our beautiful, healthy baby BOY at 20 weeks.

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: I don't like my kids today. (Gasp. Faint. Heart attack. Yes, I know.)

Encouraging Truth: "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he
          loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with
          Christ . . . " - Ephesians 2:4-5a

Loving Instruction: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I
          have loved you, you also are to love one another." - John 13:34

          "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It
          does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at
          wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things,
          hopes all things, endures all things." - I Corinthians 13: 4-7

          "Young women [are] to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure,
          working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands . . . " - Titus 2:4b-5a

Our Reward: ". . . that the word of God may not be reviled." - Titus 2:5b

**Let me clarify by saying that I do love my children. I love them unconditionally and I would never harm them or put them in harm's way. But there are days (and I think you know the ones I'm talking about) where they are just not too pleasant to be around. Hormones are making me angry at the world, and that includes my kids just because they, well, they're kids. They're sinners just like me. So when I'm angry at the world and they disobey, throw fits, whine, poop in their freshly changed diapers, and won't eat their supper, I kind of don't like them. Yes, I feel like a horrible mother for thinking this and even more horrible for saying this out loud typing these thoughts, but God has shown me repeatedly that my failures can help others and that just admitting that I have serious problems is encouraging to other women in the same place. Therefore, I will share.**

These days are tough ones, caring for so many tiny people. They are people who need Jesus, just like me. They need love, just like me. Amazingly, God loves us, His children. He loved us even "when we were dead in our  [sin]" and that is how we are to love our children. They are dead in their sin, need Jesus, and need us to love them with Jesus' love. I am convinced that love is both an emotion and a choice. I love my children even when I don't like them (emotion). But when we read in John 13 that it is a commandment to love and then in I Corinthians what love actually is, I have to conclude that love is also a bunch of actions (choice). I have to choose to be patient and kind. I have to choose to bear all things. I also love the idea that God knows what we women need to hear. Right after He states that young women are to love their husbands and children, He states that we need to have self control. Hhhhhmmmm, hormones anyone? I don't know about you, but when I'm having a hormonal day, things just come out of mouth, mostly not-so-good things, without me even thinking about them. That just can't happen! I do not want God's word to be reviled, for my children to grow up without knowing Christ's love. So when I am feeling angry at the world, or when {PMS, pregnancy, post-partum, nursing, fill in the blank} hormones are getting the better of me, I need to remember that love is a commandment and love is multiple actions, all of which point our children to Christ.

Cut-Out Cookies

While this may be a little late for Christmas, you can use the recipe with any shape of cookie cutters, and they will still be amazing. I've tried lots of different cut-out cookie recipes  but had never found one that didn't taste too bland or dry. So I sent out a plea on Facebook and received a few different recipes. After a couple fails (I wonder if I'm just too picky?), we found a winner! Thanks to a friend sharing a family recipe, I now have an amazing cut-out recipe! Soft, fluffy, and not too dry. Sadly I never got a shot of the finished cookies, but trust me when I say they looked and tasted perfect!

Mix to crumbs in mixer:
1 cups Crisco
3 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt

In a separate bowl, mix together and add to flour mixture:
2 eggs
4 Tbsp milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 cups sugar

Chill in covered bowl in refrigerator at least two hours.

Sprinkle counter and rolling pin with flour, roll to desired thickness, and get to work with those cookie cutters. Place cookies on lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake at 375 for 8 - 10 minutes. (Don't wait for them to turn brown to take them out - you'll end up with crunchy cookies.) Let cool on the baking sheet a couple minutes before transferring to cooling rack.

Confession: I NEVER make icing. I always use Pillsbury vanilla to frost my sugar cookies. Recipes for icing always say "4-6 cups powdered sugar" and I just about pass out when I can't measure something perfectly. And in the past, when I have actually tried, it has never tasted quite as good as Pillsbury. Apparently, they know exactly how much powdered sugar goes into icing, but I guess they're not telling!

Truth for Today

Discouraging (but true) Thought: I am not good enough.

Encouraging Truth: "Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for
          those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the
          children of mankind!" - Psalm 31:19

Loving Instruction: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is
          made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my
          weaknesses . . . " - II Corinthians 12:9a

Our Reward: ". . . so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - II Corinthians 12:9b

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - II Corinthians 12:10

To say that I have felt overwhelmed in the past few weeks is an understatement. All three kids sick, pregnancy nausea and pains, and the hubby having a surgical procedure done on his toe makes for a very busy lady! So many times after responding incorrectly, I'd yell silently at God "I can't do this! I'm not good enough!". And that was, and is, true - I'm not good enough. Sadly, we women compare ourselves to women on the internet - you know, the people we know but aren't close to as well as the strangers we've stumbled upon thanks to blogs and sites such as Pinterest. These 'picture perfect' lives aren't reality. The pictures are carefully chosen to portray only the good and the beautiful. The stories are eloquently scripted for maximum cuteness and "Aren't I an awesome mom?" effect. (I for one, post almost no pictures of myself in my jammies!) But are we viewing these edited lives as good? In our moments of frustration are we internally yelling "Why can't I have it together like 'so-and-so'?". I am challenging us all to spend the time we would normally use to browse these pages to instead browse The Word. That's true goodness. We're not going to find true goodness in lives of other women. We're going to find it in Christ. I am weak. He is strong.

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire." - II Peter 1:3-4

Far More Abundantly

We constantly ask God to provide for and bless our family, and it has been amazing to see God work. However, most of the time when we pray for provision, I expect it to come in the way of my husband's paycheck (or my measly paycheck for working a few hours a week from home). Rarely do I pray for miraculous amounts of money to just be sent my way to cover specific things. I'm wondering if I should start doing this, because the one time I did, God answered in an incredible way.  All that to say, God has truly blessed and provided for us these past two weeks more than we could ask or think. It's just too good not to share.

I have three student loans from college. A little over a week ago, I received a call from a loved one randomly asking how much I had left on my smallest one. I gave this person the figure and was told it would be covered. A few days later, there was a check in the mail. God provided.

Several years ago, I discovered reborn dolls (incredibly realistic dolls) and was instantly intrigued by the art. Last week I got the crazy idea in my head that I would like to have two of these dolls waiting at the hospital for our girls when they come to visit their new sibling and myself and the hospital. After seeing prices of $500 - $1,000 and even looking into making them myself, I was about to give up on the idea but posted something about the desire on Facebook. Within a half hour, a friend of a friend (whom I never knew about before that day, but happened to see my status and happens to be a reborn artist) sent me a message asking what I was looking for. I told her my ridiculous idea and the price range I had had in my mind before really looking into the dolls. An hour after hearing this woman's name for the first time, she wrote me to let me know that God laid it on her heart to do something special for my girls and would do two dolls for the amount I had mentioned. God blessed.

I would have never have thought to bring these costs to the Lord in prayer, especially not baby dolls for my children. But we serve an amazing God who loves us and wants to give us good gifts.

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" - Matthew 7:11

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen." - Ephesians 3:20-21

T-Shirts

I've seen funny maternity t-shirts, but I think I need one of my own that combines a couple different ones and says:

Yes, they're all mine.

Yes, I'm pregnant again.

Yes, we know what causes it.

Yes, I have my hands full.

Yes, I'm glad it's me and not you, too!

Don't ask me if I'm "getting fixed". Clearly, nothing's broken.

And then I saw this t-shirt and thought after Baby 4 is born, I could modify it slightly to say "I have a newborn and three toddlers . . . "

Kyle's Story

Sometimes it is hard to watch sad stories. Sometimes you'd just rather not. But I encourage you to watch and be uplifted. This family's faith is such a rebuke to my own, but such an encouragement as well. Get a box of tissues.

"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior." - Luke 1:46-47

So Tired

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

- Isaiah 41:10

 

 

We took the other two kids to the pediatrician today and it turns our they are still dealing with lingering effects of the flu and their bad colds have turned into sinus infections for both of them. I had my 16 week check and everything looks good (besides me getting in trouble for losing another pound). I also went to a family doctor and I have bronchitis, too! So all the kids and Mommy are on drugs and hoping to feel better in the next day or two. Praise the Lord, my husband has stayed healthy so far, just being tired from taking care of all of us. As exhausting as this is and has been, God's grace has been abundant. Through facebook and blogging, I have sisters in Christ from all over praying for my family and me. I can feel God's peace in my life, I can see His grace, knowing that He is still good even though I'm feeling so very physically worn down. I know am God's child, part of His family, and He cares for me.

Prayers Needed

This year, the flu involves a week full of high fevers most often accompanied by a bad cold. I know this from talking with lots of people who have had it, and from my kids. Our three year old has the flu and the bad cold. Our two year old has the flu and acute bronchitis. Our 11 month old has the flu and the bad cold. My husband is congested, and I have a low fever and a dry cough today. I'm asking everyone to pray for my husband and myself to have niether the flu nor the bronchitis. With Mike working third shift and me being pregnant (still not having gained back the weight I lost from being so sick in the first trimester), not to mention just taking care of the three munchkins, we really could do without getting so sick. Prayers would be and are greatly appreciated!

Whew!

I can't believe it's been so long since I've taken the time to write my thoughts down for the day! We've had family in for the holidays, sick kids, family matters to deal with, and . . . when did Christmas get so crazy?!? Through it all, I can gladly say that we have seen God working through it all. We were able to enjoy Christmas Day with family while being a family to our neighbor, a sweet sister in Christ. We've seen Christ's love in our family through forgiveness, grace, mercy, and His love evident in our actions. I am so happy to be a child of the King!

One of my favorite Christmas memories this December was using the magnetic nativity to tell the girls the Christmas story. While our just-turned-two-year-old was more interested in running off with the magnets, our just-turned-three-year-old had so much fun! She helped by placing the magnets on the fridge when it was time (or whenever she wanted) and loved saying the lines of the innkeeper and Joseph. However, we think she mixed the two, because she kept yelling "No babies here! Go to the barn!" when it was time for Joseph to knock on the door of the inn.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's celebration. (If you're a stay at home mom like me, you may have woken up at midnight to fireworks wondering what was going on before realizing that other people still have lives . . . ) Well, I hope to get back to more regular blogging now that some of the craziness is over. I can't wait to see what God has for us this coming year!