Lessons Learned in 2013

(This post should be more accurately titled as "2013's realizations and things I need to work on in 2014", but I think "lessons learned" sounds a lot better.)

1. Apologize and ask forgiveness from your children. A lot. Every time you yell or react wrongly to a situation. Not only are you getting right with your little people, whom you wronged, but you are giving them an example of how to treat their siblings and friends later on in life. Taking this a step further, during night time prayers with your children, confess your sins to Jesus. This one is definitely humbling, but I think very necessary to show your children how to confess their sins. (This also opens the door - in my case, every night - to share the gospel with your children.)

2. Drop what you're doing for your children. As much as possible. Understanding that while carrying a pot of boiling pasta to the sink or pulling a casserole out of the oven is not an ok time to do this, do it whenever possible. Stop mid-cleaning, folding, cooking, etc. to deal with the little things. Any time you tell your child "just a minute" you are telling them they are not as important as what you're doing. If your children know you will drop what you're doing when they need you, they won't blink when you really do need them to wait patiently. I learned this lesson while cooking supper. My sweet 4 year old had asked me all day to play with her, I kept putting her off, and she finally gave up on asking. She had received the message that she didn't matter. Such a heart breaking lesson for me to learn.

3. Don't brush off boo-boos and hurt feelings, even if you realize the situation isn't that big. I've found that overreacting my sympathies to their overreaction of pain leaves us all in a pile of giggles on the floor. And if they are really hurt, they know that you're going to be there for them. Show your children they can come to you with anything now while they're toddlers and they'll come to your with their big, high school sized boo-boos later.

4. Loved children are happier, more well behaved children. I've found the more selfish I am being (see numbers 2 and 3 - and yes, I now realize they are very similar), the more I prioritize my to do list instead of my children, the more whiny and disobedient my children are.

5. Slow down. Listen to your kids. Involve your kids. Play and snuggle with them a lot more than you think you have time for. In 10 years, they won't want to help make cookies, build towers, or sit in your lap to read books. Enjoy these days, even if you have to enjoy them while still wearing pajamas at 3pm, in a living room covered with toys, blankets, cheerios, and laundry waiting to be folded. Enjoy these days before they're gone.

Hard Lessons

If you've ever been in a less than ideal situation, you've probably wondered why God just doesn't fix it. This can range from anything to financial struggles to the illness or loss of a loved one. Of course, my head always tells me that He knows what's best and is waiting to give us the best until it's the best time. But sometimes my heart says, no, screams "But you are all powerful, so why can't you just fix it all?". The answer of course, is that He can. So why doesn't He?

I've been going through the Bible study "Missing Pieces" by Jennifer Rothschild. She addressed the above dilemma and answered it this way: "God possesses both ultimate power and ultimate authority. The choice to not exercise power does not mean one is powerless. It means sometimes one who has power chooses to withhold it for a greater purpose." A little later, she addresses her own struggle in accepting God's authority and power regarding her blindness, "I'm fully confident God cares about me and could heal my blindness, but even though He has the power to, He doesn't choose to show it in the way I sometimes hope . . . Does that mean He doesn't care? I think it means He cares enough to allow me to struggle and find a deeper understanding of and connection to His heart. If I plead for His power, then I must accept His authority that comes along with it. His power may be capable of healing my eyes and filling in your missing pieces, but His authority may not deem it best. [We] need to respectfully trust His authority as much as [we] trust His power. For it is the companionship of those two attributes that allows suffering and at the same time disallows punishment for our sin. Unless we take God just as He is in His wholeness, we will never find hope in our own brokenness."

Letting Go

I'm learning to let go. I'm letting go of my preconceived notions of beauty. I used to think a beautiful house meant everything in its place, everything clean, a pleasant smell when you walk in the door, and perfectly decorated rooms. Today, my definition of a beautiful house is quite different. My house is covered with toys, dust builds up on bookshelves, and I'm pretty sure my house smells like poop. But I think it's beautiful. Scattered building blocks and dust covered picture frames mean that my children have a Mommy who plays with them and doesn't ignore them to get the house clean. And as far as a perfectly decorated house? Today, beautiful interior decoration is a paper chain. There is great beauty in colored construction paper stapled together. There is beauty because when I look at it, I see little hands covered in marker scribbles, crooked circles which turn into "bapples", and marker tips getting smushed with each pounding. I hear two little girls singing "Winnie the Pooh" with me at the top of their lungs, giggles after making funny faces, and shouting over our marker-sword fight. My paper chain is beautiful. My house is a home.

 

 

Take Heart

This past Sunday was a real eye opener. Our pastor spoke on Matthew 9:1 - 8. I think it's safe to say that the story of men bringing their paralytic friend to Jesus, lowering him through the roof of a house so that he may see Jesus is a familiar one. However, I've never thought of why Jesus first said "Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven." (v. 2) instead of just making him walk again. Our pastor made the point that it is because our spiritual healing and cleansing is far greater than our physical healing or struggles. Of course, it is not wrong to ask God for physical healing or relief from certain struggles - He healed the paralytic shortly after making the above statement. But the physical should not be our main goal. A closer walk with Christ should be our priority. Instead of praying for just physical healing and an end to financial and emotional struggles, we should first pray that God would strengthen our faith and draw us closer to Him during these trials. Not a real epiphany, I know, but it was a great lesson for me and one I truly needed.

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: I care what others think of me.

Encouraging Truth: "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."
         - Proverbs 29:25

Loving Instruction: "We must obey God rather than man." - Acts 5:29b

Our Reward: "Whoever will listen to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread
          of disaster." - Proverbs 1:33

Being a parent is hard. Raising children to honor God is even harder. Putting up with people's opinions and judgements is even harder still. I know there are people who think it's ridiculous that Megan is 2 1/2 and isn't potty trained. I also know people who think a child shouldn't be pushed at all to potty train. I know people who think I discipline my children too much. I also know people who think I need to discipline my children more. This list could go on and on. As a human, and especially a woman, it is incredibly hard to not let what others think and/or say dictate what I do or how I behave. We are not put on this earth to please others, but to please God. And we especially need to be careful that "we dare not make the opinion of others the measure of our faithfulness." - John Piper

So this is the conclusion I've come to: Realize that most people are giving advice with good intentions. Consider the criticism/advice and search for truth. If you still believe what you are doing is Biblical, what glorifies Christ, and what is best for the culture of your family, forget about it and don't let it get to you. "Stop regarding man in whose nostrils is breath, for of what account is he?" - Isaiah 2:22 (Obviously, if there is truth to what was said, get it right with God and act accordingly.) Carry on with your life, remembering that we are not to please others, but Christ. And don't explain yourself! I think it's very important (especially for me as a prideful person) that I don't immediately defend what I do and why I do it. For me, that is just a tool used to please man. "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." - Galatians 1:10 At the end of the day, remember that if everyone thought you were doing right in all areas of your life, you'd probably be doing something wrong.  "Woe to you when all men speak well of you." - Luke 6:26 Lastly, don't do the same thing to someone else - you now know what it feels like!

Loving Instruction

"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him; sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and the judgments he uttered." - I Chronicles 16:8 - 12

Frustration

Today was frustrating. Three little people trying to catch up on sleep and get back on their schedule from a long trip. At the height of frustration, the girls were begging to go outside. It was raining, but Michael was napping and the girls were driving me crazy, so I figured I'd strip them down to diapers, put them in their rubber water shoes and let them loose with the rain and puddles. However, on our way back to their room to get their shoes, Lauren threw a fit. A Lauren fit is one most haven't experienced. Flying out of my arms, back arched, ear piercing shrieks, locked legs kicking the floor. One of the most infuriating things as a parent is trying to explain to your children that they will be getting good things. They just have to wait. She wanted to go outside. I was taking her outside. All we had to do was get shoes on. Then God smiled and said, 'Don't you see?'

I throw spiritual fits. I throw myself on the floor shrieking 'Why is money so tight? Why hasn't my husband gotten the promotion he was supposed to get months ago? Why did you give us our children this close together? Couldn't you have spaced them out like we wanted? Why can't I stop getting so frustrated? Why can't we be where we would like? Why can't I go outside?'

'My precious child, I am taking you outside. But first we have to walk to the back and put your shoes on.'

Somtimes I forget that God has a specific purpose for my life today. Most times I think if only we could get to where God wants us to minister (Mike as a pastor), it will be good. I forget that I am to minister today. Where I am. Where God has me right now. And today, He has me here. Maybe we're still in the hallway, maybe He's putting my shoes on, or maybe we're almost to the door. But wherever I am, and whatever I am doing, He is teaching me, molding me. Because He knows that maybe I'm just not ready to go outside yet.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven."
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

Why

Just a couple days ago a friend shared this blog post through facebook. Reading it was like reading my own mind as to why I started this blog. (He just expresses it better than I ever could.) It's so sad that many Christians feel the need to pretend they don't have problems, "pasts", or struggles. If we were all honest, we would realize that we are hurting, we are all searching for answers, and that all of need Jesus. Such a good read!

http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/4-words-i-say-when-i-fail/

A Different Way of Thinking

June 6, 2012  
Being a parent to three tiny people is not easy. The "childcare" part of this isn't difficult for me. It's the emotional part that is exhausting and stressful. Having three tiny people makes for lots of tears, lots of cranky time, lots of discipline (the older two), and lots of needs. The past few weeks have been a struggle. A struggle to deal with my children properly, a struggle to not resent the changes to my body having children created, a struggle to love my husband, a struggle to have Godly thoughts and be a Godly wife and mother. Ultimately, a struggle to glorify God. I found myself being short towards my husband and children, raising my voice much, much too often. Then I found myself thinking things like "What would I be doing if we didn't have the kids yet? What if I wasn't supposed to have this many kids? What if I wasn't supposed to be a mother at all?" Of course, all those thoughts were just circling the main question I refused to actually ask "What if God made a mistake?". I found myself getting deeper and deeper into selfish thoughts and misery, which inevitably leads to self-pity: Noone has any clue how I am feeling. I have no friends. I never leave the house. I am fat and ugly. No one has ever had it this bad as a stay-at-home mom. I am a horrible failure. I was falling into a deep hole of my own untrue thoughts and emotions and no matter how hard I tried to climb out, I kept falling. Now, I know a Christian's main goal and purpose in life is to glorify God. I've always thought of that as a heart or mind-set rather than an action. I knew I was not glorifying God, but how could I glorify Him if I'm stuck in this tiny house changing diapers and feeding cranky babies all day long?

Then I heard a message this Sunday. One I desperately needed. We were visiting our old church just to see friends. I most likely wasn't going to get challenged by the Word. The singing started . . . "Thou, O Lord, art a shield to me. My glory and the lifter of my head." I tried not to lose it. How I desperately need the Lord to lift me. Then the preaching began. The congregration was asked to repeat the following "Worshipping God is the most important thing in my life." Yeah, ok, I worship God. "Through all of our actions, we should be actively worshipping God." I've never heard that before. I've heard "glorifying", not "worshipping". Hmmm, interesting. The pastor gave the example of that including worshipping God on the baseball field. Does that mean I am to be worshipping God while changing diapers? Probably not. "Worshipping God is the most important thing in my life. To serve God is worshipping God."  Worship while changing diapers? I guess so. Coming to the realization that every action should be an act of worshipping God was a humbling moment sitting there in my comfortable pew. I don't know why, but just thinking of worshipping God in a new light clicked for me. The past few days have been much better. I can concentrate on my outward actions to worship God. That has helped my discouraging train of thoughts tremendously. I can worship, and therefore glorify, God while being a stay-at-home wife and mother! So to help myself, I added things to the sentance the pastor had us repeat so many times . . .

When all three children are screaming, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
When my baby refuses to nap like he should, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
When I am disciplining my two year old for repeating a no-no for the tenth time in a half hour, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
When I want just five minutes of quiet and the girls want me to read books, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
In all things, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
Die to self. Worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.