A Different Way of Thinking

June 6, 2012  
Being a parent to three tiny people is not easy. The "childcare" part of this isn't difficult for me. It's the emotional part that is exhausting and stressful. Having three tiny people makes for lots of tears, lots of cranky time, lots of discipline (the older two), and lots of needs. The past few weeks have been a struggle. A struggle to deal with my children properly, a struggle to not resent the changes to my body having children created, a struggle to love my husband, a struggle to have Godly thoughts and be a Godly wife and mother. Ultimately, a struggle to glorify God. I found myself being short towards my husband and children, raising my voice much, much too often. Then I found myself thinking things like "What would I be doing if we didn't have the kids yet? What if I wasn't supposed to have this many kids? What if I wasn't supposed to be a mother at all?" Of course, all those thoughts were just circling the main question I refused to actually ask "What if God made a mistake?". I found myself getting deeper and deeper into selfish thoughts and misery, which inevitably leads to self-pity: Noone has any clue how I am feeling. I have no friends. I never leave the house. I am fat and ugly. No one has ever had it this bad as a stay-at-home mom. I am a horrible failure. I was falling into a deep hole of my own untrue thoughts and emotions and no matter how hard I tried to climb out, I kept falling. Now, I know a Christian's main goal and purpose in life is to glorify God. I've always thought of that as a heart or mind-set rather than an action. I knew I was not glorifying God, but how could I glorify Him if I'm stuck in this tiny house changing diapers and feeding cranky babies all day long?

Then I heard a message this Sunday. One I desperately needed. We were visiting our old church just to see friends. I most likely wasn't going to get challenged by the Word. The singing started . . . "Thou, O Lord, art a shield to me. My glory and the lifter of my head." I tried not to lose it. How I desperately need the Lord to lift me. Then the preaching began. The congregration was asked to repeat the following "Worshipping God is the most important thing in my life." Yeah, ok, I worship God. "Through all of our actions, we should be actively worshipping God." I've never heard that before. I've heard "glorifying", not "worshipping". Hmmm, interesting. The pastor gave the example of that including worshipping God on the baseball field. Does that mean I am to be worshipping God while changing diapers? Probably not. "Worshipping God is the most important thing in my life. To serve God is worshipping God."  Worship while changing diapers? I guess so. Coming to the realization that every action should be an act of worshipping God was a humbling moment sitting there in my comfortable pew. I don't know why, but just thinking of worshipping God in a new light clicked for me. The past few days have been much better. I can concentrate on my outward actions to worship God. That has helped my discouraging train of thoughts tremendously. I can worship, and therefore glorify, God while being a stay-at-home wife and mother! So to help myself, I added things to the sentance the pastor had us repeat so many times . . .

When all three children are screaming, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
When my baby refuses to nap like he should, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
When I am disciplining my two year old for repeating a no-no for the tenth time in a half hour, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
When I want just five minutes of quiet and the girls want me to read books, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
In all things, worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.
Die to self. Worshipping God is the most important thing in my life.