June 17, 2012

I wrote the following earlier this year, on Father's Day. I wanted to share just to say you're not alone. We all have bad days. . . .



Today was one of those days. One of those days I didn't think I would live to see the end. One of those days I cried out to Jesus just to make it. And the most frustrating part for me was that I had such great hopes and expectations of the day.

I wanted today to be special for my husband. He is the best father to our children I could have imagined. I wanted him to have a restful, relaxing, fun day with his family.
I wanted today to be special for my baby boy, who was dedicated this morning at church. It was supposed to be his special time.

Instead, we arrived at church late, thinking it better for our very miserable teething and sick little boy to continue his nap (since he was finally actually napping) and just make it for the dedication, scheduled for later in the service. Lauren started sobbing hysterically when we dropped her off with Megan in the toddler room. Right as the dedication service was starting, we were informed that there is no nursery for the service. How do Daddy and Mommy take baby Michael up to the platform to get dedicated if no one is there to watch two toddler girls who are both fussing and crying? Daddy holds a toddler on each arm, Mommy holding baby. I was so busy trying to keep the girls quiet during the prayer, I don't even know what was said. This breaks my heart. My son was dedicated to the Lord, and I don't even know what was prayed for him. Of course, I also wanted a picture to remember the special time; in my mind, a picture of Daddy and Mommy praying over Michael, showing just how special this little boy is to us. No picture was taken at all. Daddy had to leave the service with the girls. After the service, family pictures had to be taken for the church directory. That was a real treat. Forced smiles from Daddy and Mommy, both bouncing a sad baby or two.

At this point, I'm doing all I can do hold it together. "Lord, I need you. Lord, I need you. You promised you wouldn't give me more than I can handle, and I'm NOT handling this. You promised, and I need you." We made it to the van before I started sobbing, and I hear Megan's sweet voice ask from the back of the van, "Mama, you ok?"

Hours and hours pass, lots of temper tantrums are thrown, lots of discipline sessions are administered, lots of tears cried, and lots of silent prayers are thrown at the feet of Jesus. It is now 8:30 pm. The girls are finally sleeping. I am talking to my sweet baby boy, telling him how special he is to me, that I love him with all my heart. He smiles, chubby cheeks spouting those ridiculous dimples of his. He coos, laughs, and shrieks with delight when I kiss his cheeks and touch my nose to his. We made it, just like God promised.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

Today's Prayer

"Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long."

- Psalm 25:4, 5

Murphy's Law for Moms

1. If you wear black, they will have a runny nose.
2. If you wear white, they will have muddy hands.
3. If you change their diaper, they will immediately poop in the new one.
4. If you mop the floor, they will spill something.
5. If you put on fresh socks, you will immediately step in whatever was spilled.
6. If it is perfect, they will fix that for you.
7. If you say it, they will repeat it.
8. If it's important, they will forget it.
9. If you're tired, they will not be.
10. If you love them, you will see the beauty in it all.

                                      - Author Unknown

I absolutely loved the truth in it all. And when I got to the last one, I thought of yesterday's post and smiled. Yes, there is beauty in it all.

Beauty

While most who have never been a stay-at-home mom think being one means sitting on the couch eating bon-bon's all day, we who have been or are in this position know that is just not true. It's a grueling, exhausting, dirty job. Diapers, dishes, laundry, boo-boos, dirt, mud, and crumbs are just part of the daily job description. But we need to see the beauty. Sometimes we have to look for it, and sometimes it smacks us in the face. Here are some of my beautiful moments:

 Megan's first real boo-boo's. They are beautiful to me because, after the pain, Megan loved them. When the scabs healed, she cried and asked me where her "boo-bops" went.

 During coloring time, Megan tried painting her nails with markers.

Truth for Today

"And he said, "Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord." And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heart it, he wrapped his face in his cloak." - I Kings 19:11 - 13a

We're at a tough place right now as far as the 'big picture' goes. We feel God eventually wants us in full time ministry. Mike thinks he needs to go through seminary before that happens. However, with three children, there is no time or money to do that. So we've thought . . . a lot. Should we look for a ministry position with just a bachelor's Bible degree? Should we wait until Mike finishes seminary before looking for a ministry position? Do we move somewhere Mike could get a better non-ministry job? Does Mike start taking one seminary class at a time? These are just a few of the many questions we often ponder. We had made plans, and thought it God's will, to not have kids, pay off my school bills, get Mike through seminary, seek God's will for a ministry, move to said ministry, and then a few years after that, have children. Those were good plans, but they were not God's plans. He tells us to wait for him. "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." (Psalm 27:14) So we're waiting. We're not waiting for a sign in the sky or an audible voice. We're waiting for a whisper.

Our Great God

I was reading in Job and was brought to tears by what God said to Job. The imagery in Chapter 38 is breathtaking. Here are some of my favorites:

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?  . . . when all the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? . . . Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place . . . Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? . . . Have you entered the storehouses of the snow . . . What is the way to the place where the light is distributed, or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth? . . . Who has cleft a way for the thunderbolt . . . Do you know the ordinances of the heavens? . . . Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, that a flood of waters may cover you? Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go and say to you, 'Here we are'?"

"Then Job answered the Lord and said: "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know." - Job 42:1 - 3

Take Heart

This past Sunday was a real eye opener. Our pastor spoke on Matthew 9:1 - 8. I think it's safe to say that the story of men bringing their paralytic friend to Jesus, lowering him through the roof of a house so that he may see Jesus is a familiar one. However, I've never thought of why Jesus first said "Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven." (v. 2) instead of just making him walk again. Our pastor made the point that it is because our spiritual healing and cleansing is far greater than our physical healing or struggles. Of course, it is not wrong to ask God for physical healing or relief from certain struggles - He healed the paralytic shortly after making the above statement. But the physical should not be our main goal. A closer walk with Christ should be our priority. Instead of praying for just physical healing and an end to financial and emotional struggles, we should first pray that God would strengthen our faith and draw us closer to Him during these trials. Not a real epiphany, I know, but it was a great lesson for me and one I truly needed.

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: I care what others think of me.

Encouraging Truth: "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."
         - Proverbs 29:25

Loving Instruction: "We must obey God rather than man." - Acts 5:29b

Our Reward: "Whoever will listen to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread
          of disaster." - Proverbs 1:33

Being a parent is hard. Raising children to honor God is even harder. Putting up with people's opinions and judgements is even harder still. I know there are people who think it's ridiculous that Megan is 2 1/2 and isn't potty trained. I also know people who think a child shouldn't be pushed at all to potty train. I know people who think I discipline my children too much. I also know people who think I need to discipline my children more. This list could go on and on. As a human, and especially a woman, it is incredibly hard to not let what others think and/or say dictate what I do or how I behave. We are not put on this earth to please others, but to please God. And we especially need to be careful that "we dare not make the opinion of others the measure of our faithfulness." - John Piper

So this is the conclusion I've come to: Realize that most people are giving advice with good intentions. Consider the criticism/advice and search for truth. If you still believe what you are doing is Biblical, what glorifies Christ, and what is best for the culture of your family, forget about it and don't let it get to you. "Stop regarding man in whose nostrils is breath, for of what account is he?" - Isaiah 2:22 (Obviously, if there is truth to what was said, get it right with God and act accordingly.) Carry on with your life, remembering that we are not to please others, but Christ. And don't explain yourself! I think it's very important (especially for me as a prideful person) that I don't immediately defend what I do and why I do it. For me, that is just a tool used to please man. "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." - Galatians 1:10 At the end of the day, remember that if everyone thought you were doing right in all areas of your life, you'd probably be doing something wrong.  "Woe to you when all men speak well of you." - Luke 6:26 Lastly, don't do the same thing to someone else - you now know what it feels like!

Shower Cleaner

I hate cleaning my shower. I don't mind the tub, but the master bath's shower is a tiny, walk-in, tiled nightmare. There is no way to clean it without being in it, inhaling fumes of chemical filled cleaner. However, I saw something on Pinterest that was too good to not try. (This idea is on several different sites, so I don't feel I need to cite a reference.) Pick up one of these handled sponges for a couple bucks at the grocery store and fill it with 1/2 cup of vinegar and 1/2 cup of Dawn dish soap. Keep it in your shower so when you are in the shower - actually taking a shower - you can clean for a couple minutes a time and keep your shower sparkling clean! It's amazing on many levels, but the selling points for me are 1) no chemical fumes giving me a headache, and 2) I don't have to make time to clean the shower! Plus, the mixture of dish soap and vinegar works really well! Definitely worth the few dollars I spent!

Make Known His Deeds

We asked. We received.

After writing last night's post, my husband and I both spent time in prayer asking God to show us what we should do about Lauren's medicine. I slept on it while Mike thought and prayed at work, and by this morning, we had both come to the same conclusion: we needed to spend the $297.99 on Lauren's prescription. We asked God for the answer, and we received it. Then came the next part of our asking. At breakfast, Mike prayed that God would somehow provide the money to cover the cost. Before lunch, a gift of $300 was dropped off at our house. Tears well in my eyes thinking about how gracious and loving our Heavenly Father is to us. We asked. We received.

"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him; sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and the judgments he uttered." - I Chronicles 16:8 - 12

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: Money doesn't grow on trees.

Encouraging Truth: "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
          how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask
          him!" - Matthew 7:11

Loving Instruction: "Ask . . ." - Matthew 7:7a

Our Reward: ". . . and it will be given to you . . . For everyone who asks receives."
          - Matthew 7:7a, 8a

I know I've already researched this topic, but earlier today I stepped up to the counter at the pharmacy and was told my daughter's prescription would be $297.99. As you may have guessed, insurance doesn't cover it, or even help us. When you're already pinching pennies, 29,799 pennies is a lot! I left the prescription at the counter for today, deciding it a better idea to talk it over with my husband. We still haven't decided what we're going to do, but we do need to pray. We need to ask God to show us what to do and to provide. That's all we have to do: ask. Just ask. And we will receive.

Truth for Today

"As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause, who does great things and unsearchable, marvelous things without number."

- Job 5:8, 9

Heritage

I lift my foot off the pedal, pausing the frantic buzzing of the machine to check my stitch. My hand stops mid-air and automatically moves to turn the handwheel as I notice the needle out of the fabric. As I turn the wheel, I hear my mother's voice in my head "Make sure the needle is down if you're stopping a stitch.". I think of my mom every time I sew. She literally taught me everything I know about sewing. She is quite the amazing woman. She is also the one responsible for teaching me how to cook, take care of children, keep a house, sew, knit, and much much more. And she learned it all from her mother.

I think the art of being a wife and mother is being lost in today's society. Girls are growing up not knowing how to cook, clean, or even sew a button on a shirt. Please don't think I'm a doormat or slave to my husband. I'm not. I gladly serve him. Proverbs 31 doesn't describe the excellent wife as a slave. But it does tell us that an excellent wife knows how, and does in fact, sew, cook, clean, care for her children, run a household, and even run a business (sells clothing) she has made. Because of this passage, I think it is necessary for us moms to be passing all this on to our daughters. How do we expect our girls to know how to be a Godly, excellent wife if we aren't modeling this for them and teaching them? I am so very grateful to my mother and grandmother for being Godly, excellent wives and mothers. I'm not saying we all can be perfect at everything (if you know me, you know that I am not the amazing cook my mother is - it just doesn't come easily to me), but Proverbs 31 sets a standard to strive towards. Even if you don't have a Godly heritage, you can start one for your children. I pray that I continue this heritage and can pass along these skills and abilities to my daughters.

This is a picture of my grandmother holding my baby boy. There is something so incredibly special about watching your grandparent hold your child. Also, you'll notice that my grandma has her nails perfectly painted. While editing this picture, I noticed the nail polish and it made my heart smile.

Today's Prayer

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father . . . that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:14, 16 - 19

Truth for Today

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

- Psalm 73:26

If you haven't guessed by my last post and then lack of post yesterday, it's been a very rough few days. I am definitely in the 'survival' mode of being a mommy. I've been discouraged, worried, exhausted, emotional, and just plain burnt out. My flesh is failing me. My heart is failing me. But God is the strength of my heart. He's my portion forever. He is all I need.

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: I'm tired of being a mom.

Encouraging Truth: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give
          you rest." - Matthew 11:28

Loving Instruction: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own
          understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, . . . " - Proverbs 3:5, 6a

Our Reward: ". . . and he shall direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:6b

As a mom, I feel ashamed of even admitting that I'm tired of being a mom. Please don't get me wrong. I love my 'job'. I love giving my baby a bottle, kissing away boo-boos, reading books, and doing puzzles. I love being a mom. I really do. But every so often, like today, I'm tired. I'm tired of disciplining toddlers, tired of having to clean up from lunch just to start dinner, tired of listening to kids crying in their beds while they fight sleep, tired of going from entertainer to comforter to instructor to housekeeper. I'm tired of being needed.

I guess part of my problem is that I'm selfish. I would like to be rested. I would like to feel pretty and thin. I would like to be able to make friends at our church that we've been attending for over a year. I would like to be able to talk to friends I already have. I would like to not have anyone need me. But that's not my truth. My truth is that I'm a mom. A mom to three kids under two and a half years old. These children which God has graciously placed in my care are so dear to my heart. I don't think it's wrong to be tired. We are mortal beings, made from dust. But God isn't made from dust, nor is he mortal. He can give me rest and direct my paths, guiding me through this slightly hectic time in my life.

Dear God, I trust you. I know I can't do this on my own. I don't even know how I'll make it through tomorrow. But I know that you are who you say you are. I know you will give me rest. You will guide me. I praise your Holy name.

Loving Instruction

"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to him; sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and the judgments he uttered." - I Chronicles 16:8 - 12

Today's Prayer

And Hannah prayed and said,

"My heart exults in the Lord; my strength is exalted in the Lord. My mouth derides my enemies, because I rejoice in your salvation. There is none holy like the Lord; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God. . . . He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord's, and on them he has set the world."

- I Samueul 2:1, 2, 8

Truth for Today

Discouraging Thought: I want to know how my life is going to play out.

Encouraging Truth: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to
          prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
          - Jeremiah 29:11

Loving Instruction: "In repentance and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in
          trust you shall be your strength." - Isaiah 30:15

Our Reward: "Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts
          himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all
          those who wait for him." - Isaiah 30:18

Isaiah 30 is talking about the Israelites, God's children, who would not wait for Him. They ran to Egypt for help, not wanting to wait for God's instruction or timing. Verse 15 says that God told them "In repentance and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.". They were unwilling, and ran to Egypt anyway, and verse 18 is God's response. I love how vast this verse proves God's love to be. Even when we sin, He loves us. He waits. Waits for us to see our sin, to know the truth, to repent, to trust. He's just waiting. Waiting for us to quietly rest. Waiting with mercy and grace.

Now, I love to plan. I hate surprises, always enjoying the knowledge of what's to come. Some days it drives me nuts that what we had planned for our lives hasn't happened. Mike hasn't finished, let alone started, seminary. We don't have school bills paid off. Every once in a while I get restless and ask Mike if he thinks he should enroll in a class to get seminary started, or if I should get a full time job, or  . . . fill in the blank. My wonderful husband calmly looks at me and reminds me that this is where God has us, and until God makes it clear that we are to be doing anything else, we are going to stay right here. Ugh! It's very hard to just wait. Rest. Quiet my heart. Trust. But I need to, because when I do, I will see Christ waiting. He's waiting to give grace and mercy.